Wednesday, 5 January 2011


Around this time of year our life begins to fill with traditions, Christmas Eve for example signalling roast gammon, mashed potato & plenty of red wine over the classic film “Oliver”, while no Christmas morning can ever now be complete without the compulsory champagne & smoked salmon, while sinking into the magic that is “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”. And whist at this time of year we find ourselves headlong into disco, there has been a developing trend in recent times for us also to delve into the darker side of our clubbing, no not quite in the Star Wars vein (no sign of Darth Vader here!), more in the x-rated one, a particular venue & club playing host to our saucy shenanigans & making sure we get our fair share of seasonal stuffing. So whilst Fagan & Bill Sykes engrossed us on Christmas Eve & Caratacus Potts catapulted us through Christmas Day, it was far less Chitty Chitty, more Bang Bang come Boxing day last year when we relived another tradition and paid a visit to Suzie Krueger’s sex fuelled happening at Hidden
However this year, like two years ago when our latest tradition began, Hard On! moved back to its former slot of the last Saturday before Christmas, meaning that our birthday had to come early again, well two days early to be precise, although our birthday bonk was somewhat put on hold by a nasty stomach complaint which had laid us low for a while now, we taking the wise choice not to subject our delicate innards to the delights of the darkroom, rather allowing our cousin Crisco Matt to step into our shoes & make his Hard On! & review debut in full on debaucherous fashion. So, it was a case of us having to hand over the reins, but run down a few essentials to our cousin, the club having held sway in the capital for well over eight years & still going strong, we filling Crisco in on the finer elements of Suzie’s raunchy romp, especially recalling life as far back as the days of Fist as well as the terrific time we had just last year in the horny hands of Hard On!
So, it was now definitely a case of  Move Over Disco It’s Time For Crisco, the leather chaps zipped up, the hair adjusted & the camp changed for the butch as, we , Crisco took charge, making our way down to Hidden for not long before midnight and a warm welcome from the door & core Hard On! team that were holding fort for Ms Kruegar, who was taking a well earned rest & relaxation break in her beloved Goa. With a feeling in our loins that was far less Goa and much more goer, we headed into in club proper, having been waved through by the ever engaging Pieers, finding our way up to the cloakroom to strip ourselves of unwanted clothing, although nowhere near as much as some around us, who were down to jocks boots are barely much more, bare very much being the name of the game, inhibitions having been left at the door while intentions were definitely not.
With our rather conservative dress down done, we re-entered the cruise bar, which was filling nicely with an a-typical Hard On! bunch of brain & brawn types, with much in between, a more mixed bag you couldn’t have asked for, from guys dressed in NYC Police uniforms, to others trussed in harnesses of all shapes & sizes, from the part clothed to the fully naked, they were all there, even one guy sporting a Santa hat if you please while others wrapped up in rubber outfits vied for attention. So, with plenty to gaze our eyes on, we found a spot at the corner of the bar, grabbing some energy boosting refreshments to set us up for this sex fest of a pre Chrimbo canter, we skilfully surveying our territory, but definitely watching our P’s & Q’s while faces familiar made their advances, including a scantily dressed Toby & an equally so Jamie, both making the understandable mistake of recognising Crisco as Disco, although our more dead pan demur doing its best to deceive otherwise.
With our initiation pretty much up, it was time to delve into that dark side, the infamous playroom to be prĂ©cise, we immediately finding ourselves at home with the video visuals being displayed on the big screen, an oiled up individual penetrating another in a way that we Crisco lovers know best, while there was plenty of other moaning & groaning going on in other parts of this darkened delight of a den. Advancing in further and allowing our inhibitions to run away with ourselves, we came very close to succumbing to the sling in front of us, although with Disco’s dilemma in mind, we held back a bit, rather finding a spot by the side to view proceedings, more as a voyeur rather than a voyager, our pulse nevertheless pumping as plenty around us were doing the humping, this fetish frolic clearly in full swing.
Now we were hot under the collar and raring to dive deeper into the delights of Hard On!, racing back to the cloakroom to discard more of our clothing & apparel accessories, our shorn shirt style making us feel much more at home in this horny happening and much more at ease with our lot. So, it was back into the cruise bar we went, soaking up the sordid sounds of resident D.J. Dmak, who was certainly capturing the crowd and the mood with his masterful music, although we had more than an eye of the main room, which was due to sport other incumbent, Brent Nicholls, our glance towards the door catching the glaze of a very butch muscleman, his stripped & rippling torso tingling our taste buds sufficiently so to cause lateral leverage in our loins. With our excitable e zones suitably energised and with the main room madness about to commence, we took our leave of the cruise area, diving quickly back into the darkroom for some more skulduggery spotting, before deciding on the dancefloor as the direction of our devotions for a while.
Finding a spot just left of the D.J. booth (why does that sound familiar – Disco would have been proud of us) we had a perfect vantage point of the dance space below, our elevated position allowing us to express our enjoyment of this fetish frolic with dextrous dance moves to the macho music the man in charge was churning out. And it was in our select spot that we found man of the moment, Brent Nicholls in full flight, his assault of full on funky & humped up house raising the roof of the red room with rapturous reception, the whole space spinning to his sounds & the podiums full horny hunks, baring their assets for all to see. Indeed, with plenty of x-rated action going on right in front of our noses, two men engaged in intercourse & not of the conversation kind, the heat of the play area had nothing on this main space, our energy levels elevated enough for us to enact our own version of Disco Matting (it’s a new verb you know!), a slightly more sedate slant on our cousins overt antics, very much the butch end of camp.
By now we were totally engrossed in our Hard On! experience, trading the red room for the playroom & back again, the dancing delighting just as much as the fornicating was thrilling, our insatiable desire to get down & dirty in the dark every bit as strong as the need to display our dancing dervishness, our nonstop activity only momentarily interrupted by mercy missions for refreshments. And our attention to the main room madness would be rewarded with not one but two showings by horny hunks on the podiums, Bruno Knight & his partner in fetish filth falling just short of all out orgasmic intent, although there was plenty of that going on next door to more than make up. Yet with the choice between dance or play becoming increasingly difficult, such was the draw of both, that eventually our minds were cast towards to next instalment in our evening, at least a rendezvous with Disco for his birthday bash at Beyond, the 6 a.m. start not that long away. So, with reluctance yet with the knowledge that we had enjoyed our lot, we picked up our bits & bobs, waved bye to Brent and headed out from Hidden and home to harness our thoughts on this latest Hard On! happening, handing the party reins back to Disco for his morning of birthday bashing at Beyond.
Comparing notes with previous Hard On! visits, it was clear on this occasion that numbers were a little down, although with the freak weather that had plunged the capital into snow covered splendour, the freezing conditions may have been partly to blame for the tacit turnout. However, the people that pushed aside the plummeting temperatures outside, certainly turned up the heat inside, the playroom as busy as always and more than enough dancing devotees around to ensure the main room atmosphere remained sufficiently stoked, while clearly there were many more next door that were being poked. And given this latest experience of Suzie’s fetish frolic, there is no doubt in our mind that there is enough fervent following to ensure its survival in what are pretty tough trading times, the team just need to keep doing what they do and the crowds will keep coming, most likely in more ways than one. As for us?, well we certainly had a terrific time, so having gotten the taste for all this, we will definitely be filling Disco Matt’s boots next time round, and hopefully someone else’s too. (CRISCO MATT)


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